she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
