Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
