I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
