i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
