Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
