i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
