When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
