He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
