Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
