I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
