nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
