The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
