Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Boobs are out for the taking
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
