Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
