ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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