i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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