come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
