i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
