wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
