Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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