I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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