Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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