OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
