Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
