Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
