i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
