the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
