so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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