My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
