Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
