dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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