Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
