I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
