you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
