You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
