we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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