Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
