I wish i was in the wii world.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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