I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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