I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
