So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
