It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
