giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
