you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
