I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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