one two three fourrrrnication!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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