I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
