he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
