You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
