Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
