I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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