he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
