she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why did my mother make you get naked?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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