i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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