For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
