just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
