Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
